Dear Jesus, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

All I really wanted was to pick up my new couch. Sounds simple enough, right? Now, before I start in on this horrifying tale I feel the need to explain something. I'm not one of those girls that needs fancy clothes, expensive cars, and so on and so forth. I love the little things in life. I feel like I'm pretty low maintenance. My new couch is this really awesome retro black leather couch that I found on craigslist for a whopping $40. It's way cooler than anything I've seen in stores. So when I say that all I really wanted was to pick up my new couch, I mean it from the bottom of my Jesus fearin' heart. Ok, here she goes...

A couple days ago as I was searching through the "for sale" section of craigslist I stumbled across the find of the century. (well, my century anyway) A super sweet retro black leather couch, that just so happened to be a sofa bed. Score! I quickly e-mailed to let the owner know that I wanted the couch. I say quickly because, as many of you may know, things on craigslist tend to go pretty fast. Especially super sweet things. The owner wrote me back and said that it was, in fact, still available and that I was the first person to inquire about it, but there were about 10 people in line behind me. In other words, I better make my move or it was going to the next highest bidder. I called the number in the e-mail and said "I will be there Tuesday." Just like that, the couch was mine. Victory. Now here's where it gets tough. I didn't have a way to pick the couch up. But hey, I can always go to U-Haul. Right? That's what I thought too. I'm glad to see you're still with me. Unfortunately, there's this person in my life that tends to mess things up and generally suck the joy out of life. We'll call him Temo. Temo suggested that we borrow a van from his friend at work. (Here's the part where I get sucked into another one of Temo's horrible, day-wrecking ideas.) "Well sure" I say, all innocent and doe-eyed. "That would save me some cash." Wrong. So, like a moron that should know better, I head out with Temo to pick up the van. The van, or the vehicle of Satan as I call it, was deceivingly normal looking. So we headed towards our destination. We found the owners house easily and the couch was even better than the freakin' picture. I was stoked. Then, with everyone smiling and happy we started the 45 minute trip back to Chicago. About 15 minutes into the trip, the van starts making a noise that it probably shouldn't be making. Then comes a horrible, burning stench. Then the sound of both the van and my day coming to a screeching, grinding halt. Enter Temo's annoyingly dramatic behavior and quick temper and you've got me wishing I had a razorblade and a tub of warm water. My idea was to flag down someone with a truck and catch a ride back home. Temo thought that was a bad idea because "We can't just leave his van here on the side of the expressway!" Well why the heck not? You don't lend people crappy stuff! You deserve to have your van towed by the state! I just want my couch in my apartment safe & sound. Then out of nowhere a tow-truck shows up. I explain to the nice, money-grubbing man that "It's not our van, and we don't have any money, so run along your merry way." Then Temo butts in and says "Go ahead and tow it." What? You idiot! We are going to have to pay for that!! Whatever. So we ended up paying $143 to have some other guy's van towed, and no way to get my couch home. Bitches! I had to wait 2 more days and rent a U-Haul (guess my idea wouldn't have been so bad, huh?) to get my couch home. So from now on I will refer to Temo as "La Bola de Mala Suerte" that's Spanish for "the ball of bad luck." And Temo, that's Spanish for "asshole."

I feel the need to explain to those that don't know me that well, that I'm not usually a person that uses "curse words" except in situations when I'm joking. Ask my mother. So, if I offend anyone, I apologize. But if you knew Temo you'd call him an asshole too. I promise.