Sometimes (ok, everyday) seemingly mindless thoughts and scenarios run through my head. In all seriousness, it's usually something that doesn't matter this way or that or even have an effect on me...whatsoever. For example, if I happen to glance up and see a plane flying by I might start thinking "I wonder where they're going." And from that will stem thoughts on all sorts of possibilities from where they're flying to what they'll do when they get there. Ok, so now that you fully grasp how moronic I am, and how I could probably better myself in some way if I spent less time thinking about inane twitter, I'll get to the point of this post.
Doing the type of work that I do, I often find myself in the company of mothers. Lots of mothers. Generally, they're older than I. Not because I'm exceptionally young, but because for some reason a fair amount of mothers here in the city wait much longer to have children. We're talking women that are the same age as my mother, raising 3 year olds. Not fun. But then again, when
is raising a 3 year old fun?? Exactly. Anyway, so as I'm looking at about 90% of them I'm thinking, I wonder when these women went from this,
this,
or even this,
to this:
Now, I realize that it looks like I'm being judgmental and unfair towards so-called "soccer mom's" but seriously folks, this is an epidemic. Plus, being judgemental is loads of fun. Just to clear things up, I'm not talking about people that have always dressed this way. If that's you, I say "Yea you!" Go on with your personal style. I'm talking about people that once had a unique style, maybe they themselves were considered "a little too out there", but have since taken on a Stepford Wife approach and find it their duty seek and destroy all those that are different. You know the ones, they rule the PTA with an iron fist and "Did you see the outfit Sally's mommy wore? She is so out of the carpool." I know at one time the lady pictured above had to have had her own sense of style and personality. Just look at her wrist and you will notice a small tattoo. That's a sure sign of anti-conformity right there. Now, if that tattoo would have been a Looney Tunes character I would have left well enough alone and gone on to pick out another unfortunate mom picture. But nay dear readers, it is anything but! I'll bet she used to dress in fishnets & combat boots. I would even go so far to say she listened to the Ramones and dyed her hair black. But what on earth could have caused her to change so drastically?? Is this some phenomenon that occurs when mothers reach their 30's? All of a sudden you can't withstand the hypnotic, Pied Piper-esque sounds of Kenny G's soprano sax. It leads you into the streets of your neighborhood and causes you to speak in a really high-pitched, wide-eyed, fake tone of voice about how wonderfully perfect your "can-do-no-wrong" children are with a certain air of superiority. It blocks out all memory of anything that made you a unique and interesting person and replaces it with thoughts of loafers, sensible skirts, and rump roast recipes. It's calling you to Wal-Mart, singing "Buy a lot of pleated khaki trousers, tacky shirts, and leggings. You mustn't forget the leggings." Well to that I say, "No thank you Sir! I will not put away my band t-shirts or grow my hair shoulder length and dye it an acceptable color! I don't care if I'm left out of the gossip circle at the playgroup or given sideways "disapproving" glances." Curse you Kenny G!! And the mini-van you rode in on.
